The simplicity and beauty of dance.
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To MY mommy!
You forever love and give,
And make life so pleasant to live.
Through all the coffees and chats,
Lessons, laughs, and emotions have sat.
Teaching me to always thrive,
My life is now in full drive.
With warm virtual hugs I wish to give,
I want you to venture and begin to relive.
That nothing but the best will do,
And that is what I truly wish for you!
We couldn’t agree more.
Think before you speak.
Dalai Lama (via buddhistwitchery)
Open your eyes to dream up life.
Extending my post on the extension of my stay in NYC, a goal of mine for before I return to Madrid is to get my head in order. I am a thinker and a writer. I think, dwell, contemplate and analyze things intensely; things both simple and complex. This thinking has become a bit of an issue for my personal relationships with people, as well as my ability to jump start projects and express myself. As a writer, my head is forever flowing with ideas and thoughts imagined, real and all else in between. With so much thinking, I lose myself. I skew my own lines of reality.
Continuing with a rather personal explanation of my thoughts and words, I may be damaging my relationships with fractured and over-thought conclusions. Traveling so much, my thoughts start as heavy comparisons between two cultures and societies. Later, as I immerse myself in new settings, my knowledge expands and I begin to distance myself unconsciously from native culture. What happens is that I step out of the reality in which I always return to. My home base no longer is what I remember it to be and myself thinks no longer the same. When I return (I have had this experience a total of three times so far), it takes me a little while to readjust to my native space and my native folk. In this readjustment, I have found that my words are stuttered, my thoughts unclear and my relations hyper-sensitive. I never realized how fragile a single interpersonal conversation could change a situation. Each time, in this stage of readjustment, an almost do-or-die situation erupts and the fate of it is determined by the patience and understanding of readjustment per part of the person I am catching up with.
It’s quite amazing how much a person can change in a short period of time. In my case over a 5-6 month time gap. It is even more amazing to realize and accept that I, myself, am the one who changes. It’s always a revelation or epiphany of sorts. Met with confusion, self doubt and uncertainty, I struggle to redefine again who I am and reconstruct who I have become. Abstract, I know, but it’s all part of cultural immersion and traveling. All of this complicated thinking makes for excellent brainstorms about my personal self and also sparks reevaluations of my relationships with people. It sort of serves as a test of truth, trust and true friendship. In my current head space, all that I am grappling with and taking in has helped me understand anew and better this process of readjustment. I want to be able to synthesize my growth and learnings to harness a more powerful and more mature level and depth of myself.
Moving onto a more practical application of my thinking and writing dilemma, the best way I know how to express myself if through writing. Yet, in my head, my thoughts stay just there. With all the thinking I do, I feel lazy and unproductive. My thoughts stay almost pointless and lifeless with no breathe given to them. This saddens me deeply because I am very passionate about my experiences and my growing mind. I have so much potential and I let time pass me by without developing projects, stories, poems, etc. A previous co-worker wisely told me once over a coffee break:
"Magen, you’re freakin’ awesome. You know that right?" I gestured my head with an uncertain nod side-to-side. "No, seriously. You are. When you write something to someone like an email or if you’re handing in a report, sign that bad boy with ‘I’m awesomely amazing, Magen.’ It’s okay to admit that you’re actually good. Really good. Be confident."
This little anecdote is a memory and a lesson that I have thought over many times trying to figure out how to implement with staying and feeling humble. As my writing is very important to me, I hope to one day not feel weird about giving myself credit for where credit it due. I think with time and growth, my confidence will make its way into the work I do and not just stay in my head. Perhaps, this hesitance of confidence is a part of my hesitance to launch.
More writing. More revelations. Less thoughts lost in my mind.
Power of teaching and learning.